Tuesday, December 08, 2009
feel very emo recently... felt that i reali dun have anyone to confide to... losing all my friends... and the ones i love, just preferred to ignore me... i reali dunno wat to do... it affected my work, my boss is reali very fed up with me for bring private matters to work, my emotional low has affected me that i got out of focus... i was about to get sack...
feeling too tired to think nor do anything... dun even wanted to speak... only wan to break dwn n cry... doesnt matter since ive been crying every nite for almost a week or so... haiz...
i reali dunno wat to say... maybe i just cnt bear the loneliness im feeling now, its killing me... i wan him back, but i noe ive deeply hurt him and i wuldnt blame him for ignoring me... i dun have the rights to... am i rite?
i prayed so hard to God that he will not leave me... pls come back... alvin pls come back...
what is the worst thing that can happen to u, its when u wan to love, u dun get a chance to... when you miss the particular someone and he/she doesnt wan to see you... when the pain is enuff to kill you but you're still alive...
Sunday, November 29, 2009
just got back from shikin's 21st birthday chalet... it was quite ok... even though my heart wasnt there at all.. too emotional to be smiling all the way, enjoying myself... something is just bothering me...
maybe its the down times for me, im unable to see ppl who is ard me, caring for me anymore... humans are naturally selfish... but most of the time, they are searching for a selfless being to be with them... no matter wat, they wanted everything to be perfect... im still confused of why there's still things happening to me at this point of time, forcing me to become more and more mature... forced to think so much of the future, hindering me frm enjoying the life im having now... something keeps kicking a vision that i will nt be living long... nt till the end of world to come...
the thoughts of me being decapitated by sharp bulk objects straight through me during a fight or an accidental fall... and die just like that... hahax... it may sound impossible n silly... or maybe the final destination movie is still affecting me... but all this thoughts just rush into my mind by surprise, i dun create it...
those thoughts made me realise that its impossible for me to survive any tragedy... none at all... it made me feel so helpless, so fragile that death will just happen anytime... maybe its my imagination... IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN... isnt it??
so much doubts... so much questions popping into my head... its killing me, turning me into a live zombie... a cute one i hope... =p anyways... im lost in my way again and again... it seem like i haven found the right path yet... so many years, being lost, im wondering how on earth have i survived these years...
ive fallen in love with care bears recently... after ive seen shikin's prezzie, a wide range of cute care bears... they're so cuddly and huggable... maybe all i need now is just a companion which encourages me whenever i fall... a hug once in a while to keep me going, a love that fills me up with fuzzy funny-feeling that makes me optimistic... im falling, without a doubt... but no one realised... -shrugs- shuld i be happy or sad that no one noticed??
i need a breakdwn... i need screaming... someone pls hurt me... so that i will let out all that is kept inside me now, cuz i might burst out anytime if i continue to be like this... no, joanne hasnt become more stronger after all, she just learnt to keep things to herself and not let other ppl notice... she learnt to act stronger and fit her mask more snuggly on her face to let no one noes...
leading to nowhere...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
10 reasons why i think Alvin is not a chipmunk but a vampire1: He's a dangerous driver and always cold to the touch2: He has a dazzling smile3: He is protective over his gf (he tries to cover it with an excuse of being caring)4: He has hard-rock abs5: Did i mention he's very fair?6: He likes to wear his hair long and unruly (just like edward cullen)7: He doesnt like to sleep8: He looks young, but acts older than his AGE9: He knows what you're thinking MOST of the time10: He likes vampires but cant figure out why girls are obessed with edward (ps, he doesnt know who is edward!)there you go, alvin is highly suspicious of being a vampire.. very very much... and did i say he's quite gorgeous too?? rofl... wan to know him cn contact me.. (darn m i dead for typing the last line... boy dun blame me for sharing good stuffs..) =D
Saturday, November 14, 2009
it has been a few mths since i broke up with the guy i loved very much... it still hurts sometimes when im alone and listening to love songs...but i had enuff... its time i let go... i dun wan to hurt anyone else becuz of him anymore, its too unfair to them... i wan to smile more, i wan the love that i deserved, i wan someone to love me more than i loved him... and what joanne wans, she gets! =p kidding... but yea, time to move on...i dunno what the future holds for me... but at least i noe i will work hard to make it as perfect as possible... and i shall delete/throw/liquid papered/forget away all that consist of hurtful memories... cuz i noe BIG DADI wans me to do so too, he took away things that have memories of him away frm me... just lidat, forcing me to break dwn and cried... causing me to hurt ppl that loved me... u asked me y i chose u even though i noe ur nt good enuff? cuz i believe u ARE good enuff... u told me u will never look back... and i believed, cuz we trusted each other too much, thats y it hurts so much... 
has to fair...
Sunday, November 08, 2009
another week gone by with a blink of an eye... still the same as usual... but had a great fun during fri with my colleagues... viv brought friends, so was rather noisy there... hahax... and went home ard 4 plus the next day... =D
a quiet weekend... caught alot of slp cuz bro was home alot this week, so nth to do at home, cnt use com... have... to... find... something... to... do...
-boredom-
lazy to blog so much...
me and my love... aint she adorable?? =D my wifey leh!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
why do i have to believe time and times again... but it seems like it will never come true? why muz i hold on to every strand of hope but still get left in despair? live is never fair isnt it? when warm tears trickle down my face, no one is there to console my broken heart? im left alone.... hurted and desprate... i kept on crying, for no reasons... maybe im disappointed... y muz i always cry when the idiot dun even care? its so unfair... im hungry, tattered and torn... i dun wan to be myself anymore...
Monday, October 26, 2009
it has been a long time since i blogged... didnt reali have the mood to... yup, but i had a bad day though... monday blues... and plus, freakingly kapo me when ard the internet looking at ppl's photos and i happened to drop by his... seeing him being hapi, it made me so sour till i cried... nah, just missing him thats all, i thought to myself... ppl did started to tell me that i had become so flirt since i broke up... the answer i tell them is that 'im single wat, so i have to keep my options open rite?!' IM LYING... and yea, im aware of that, just that i feel that there's a need to fill up my broken heart with false love and attentions... i hate myself... so, frankly speaking, i tried to blame the one who is responsible for it... HIM... and of cuz ME, for allowing it to happen... all this single thingy is still new to me... so i have to adapt to it, in a right way of cuz... i still cnt forget, i still cnt stop tinking abt it everytime im alone, even when im with friends... he reali dun wan me anymore, i asked, n he didnt bother to answer... MIA reali isnt a thing i like... maybe he reali doesnt have the 'balls' to commit... PARDON ME FOR MY RUDE LANGUAGE... so... f**ker, THANKS FOR HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME... i loved my new toy, my new esprite sunglasses... costed me a bomb, but if retail therapy works, im so gonna spend all my money... AS IF... who ruined me, he did.
